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1:24a – 34° – I have been working on my old diary pages tonight. I have most of them linked to the "JOURNAL" pages now, but still have a lot of editing to do. I am off to bed now. I doubt I will be good for much tomorrow. 8:59a – 30° – I was awake from about 5:00a to 7:00a. The usual sleeping problems and stomach issues. At least I dozed back off for an hour or two this time. I just woke up (I think). 9:02a– 30° – THE SUN IS OUT! YAY! I was thinking we would never have sunshine again. 1:31p – 30° – I haven't got much accomplished today. The sun is still shining strong, thankfully! I need to at least go to the store. I just fixed the remainder of the turkey into a turkey-noodle soup. There is still one drumstick left, otherwise that was it. The fridge is till full of too much food though! 11:58p – 32° – I have been working on a "Synopsis" for EAP on my job situation all evening. I hope I am not drawing it out and making it more complex, but the truth needs to be told, and I am telling it as best I can. 12:01a – 32° – I have a mixture of leftovers simmering in the kitchen. I hope It is palatable! I finally got my pills sorted out for the next 5 weeks. That is becoming a dreaded task of tedium, but one that I can't put off. 12:24a – 31° – I am off to bed now. It seems to be getting colder outside. 7:09a – 31° – I slept more soundly last night, but had tiring dreams. I dreamt that I went on an excursion with a bunch of people. In the beginning of the dream, it was all co-workers of mine, though I could not identify a single face (except one guy from my Esperanto Association). We were taking the train to some destination, I am not sure if I knew where, but the train had no seats and all had to stand or sit on the floor. It was crowded, and we stopped to pick up more people, but there was no more room. At one point, all the people from my office started to chant together. On the count of three, we would all yell "Range!" (I have no idea why, but it seemed to be the name of our section, I think). Somewhere during this dream, the excursion changed from daytime to evening, my co-workers became mostly children with a couple of chaperones, and the train became a pickup truck. I still don't know what our destination was, but it was near a roller rink and one of the chaperones wanted to take the kids skating. He said he would pay my way in if I would pay for one of the kids, which seemed odd. I thought I should just pay my own way in, and maybe a couple of the kids. I asked we had time to go home and get my skates by any chance, but we were too far away. Then I realized I was already wearing my skates (which did not seem odd to me in the dream at all!). I remember skating around the parking lot, practicing some basic maneuvers such as 3-turns and some toe loops. There was another fragment of this dream which is very hazy, of a middle-aged man who was complaining about one of the young girls in our party. Maybe her skate was stuck, or in the way of, the door to his store (it's not clear). There was a woman at this point, who must have been one of the chaperones and was dealing with him. I was standing to one side and trying to stay out of it. The man was irritated and complaining. The woman made some comment to him about how he, as a divorced man, would not be complaining if the girl was not a minor. The the dreams skips forward a ways and we are all getting in the pickup to go home. I don't remember ever going inside the rink to skate, but at least I got to skate around the parking lot in my dream. One of the kids asked me, "are you riding with us?" I was a bit of a smart aleck in my response and chided, "No, I thought I would take my shirt off and hitch-hike home!" Somewhere in this dream, completely out of sequence, I was sitting in a chair in what may have been an office. There were some jackets thrown over the back of the chair. For some reason, my shirt was too tight and had climbed halfway up my torso. (I remember that shirt; black with blue trim. It always was too tight).. I was trying pull it back down when Robin P. (from my office) came in and said she needed to get the reference number from a tag on one of the jackets hanging on the chair. This seemed to be a much more complicated task than it should have been and I was still struggling with my shirt, which didn't seem to want to go down over my gut! We finally determined that the number she needed from the tag was the number 35, and then I realized that I had known what the number was all along. 7:48a – 30° – That was one of the longest dream sequences that I have been able to recall in a long time! It's strange that out of all the people in this dream, I could only recognize 2 people, and only put a name to one of them. Obviously, the office figured as a prominent theme, but I think the facelessness of the people reflects my feeling of isolation since moving out to the Mid-West. I really don't have many friends, other than Marty and JR. Everyone else I know is either someone I work with or someone I thought was a friend, but who used me or betrayed me or otherwise proved not to be a friend. Skip and Kira are my only anchors to reality ... which is ironic, since Skip is usually living in an on-line game, a movie or a book, and Kira is a dog!
This is the last day of this ridiculous suspension. I still don't know what the charges are. I thought about going to the Art Museum today, but couldn't get motivated to go. Besides, I am still a bit sore from all the walking yesterday! 1:20p – Call LRIS again and was referred to a Michael Goldberg. 3:25p – Received a call from BS telling me that is over-nighting a package to me. 3:27p – Called Goldberg's office and left a message. 4:10p – Finfine mi parolis kun la Advokato. Sed tuta li povis diri min estas ke Mizurio estas "Finigu je Volo" sxtato, kaj ke mi bezonas kontakti la "Komisio de Egala Laboro Oportuno" 4:24p – Mi telefonvokis la Komisio, kaj ili sendos demandaron al mi. 9:50a – 39° – I had so many wild and bizarre dreams last night, all fragmented and jumbled together. They wear me out. I may go to the Art Museum today... I don't know yet. The letter from the office arrived sometime this morning, dropped off by Fed-Ex.
We walked back to the train station very briskly and got there just in time to catch the last train needed to catch the Cahokia bus on time. I slept in very late. I spent most of this dismal day in state of depression, reading or watching TV. I got to bed early, but did not go to sleep until after midnight.
7:29a – 49° – Here we go. The day I have been dreading. Back to work. 1:15a – 54° – Skip is still on the phone (with someone). I have to head off to bed. I hope I can take time off to see my uncle off to the next life.... I had to call in sick today. I've been sick all day, having hot flashes, cold sweats, depression, heart palpitations, and general lethargy. I bought a bus ticket for Skip to go see Uncle Jesse. I don't think I will be able to make it.
7:36a – 30° – I feel better today, but still don't feel very good. I am going to work though. Skip is leaving tonight for OKC. I got Mr. Butter Cam (HP C200) off in the mail to RD in England this afternoon! I hope it shall serve me in her hands as well as it has served me here for the past 4+ years. 12:44a – 41° – I am off to bed. Skip is on the bus on his way to OKC. Barnabas is yowling for him at this moment! Kira is outside. Time for us all to go to bed! 7:26a – 41° – I can't believe I stayed up as late as I did. Then I woke at 6:00a and was wide awake. My heart was palpitating again and I don't feel very good this morning. 7:31a – 41° – I suppose Skip has arrived on schedule in OKC by now. Hope all is going well for him. On my way to work this morning, I was called by Joe from EAP (or "People Resources"). I have an appointment arranged with one of their "therapists" downtown this afternoon. I don't really see what good this will do, but ... whatever. I took off at noon and went downtown to the La Salle building to meet with "Tom." I was early and the elevator was "locked" and would not go to the designated floor. I walked over to the Vietnamese/Chinese restaurant at St. Louis Center Mall and got a bowl of Hot & Sour soup. Whoo! It was more HOT than sour! It was good, but I was sweating and sniffling like crazy! I got back to the La Salle building about 12:55p and waited downstairs for about 10 minutes, but no one showed. Then I thought; maybe he arrived, unlocked the elevator and went upstairs to wait for me there? So I got back on the elevator and sure enough, that was (more or less) what had happened. I fill out a bunch of forms and had my chat with the fellow (pli maljuna ke mi). He was nice enough, but I never forgot for a moment that he was basically in the employ (however indirectly) of my employer. This is not only awkward on various levels, but seems to imply that I am stupid too! I was really amazed and upset to realize that he already had Uncle Jesse's impending death reported to him from my comment to Debbie last Tuesday. It was made to sound as though I was calling in "sick" due to the stress involved with his situation. In reality, I was sick due to the usual side-effects of the medicines, and had only mentioned this on a personal basis to DM who I thought might want to know. Apparently my loyalties are further misplaced. I had requested the remainder of the afternoon off. I was not feeling well at all and needed to go to bed, or something. I finished my meeting with Tom and went back to get something more substantial from the Asian place (the same place I had the hot soup). I used to order Hot&Sour soup from them in the"large" container when I lived at Gentry's, but now they said they did not have that size. (huh?). I said I would pay... how much would it be. They wanted like $6.75 for a container! I was going to order that plus some braised chicken, but I told them "never mind" and walked out. It's not THAT good! I walked down to the MetroLink and the train pulled in just like it was planning on me being there! Then I rode to 5th&Mo and the bus was waiting for me like it was all planned! I could not have time things better! That's rare. The temperature had really warmed up a lot... in fact it was so hot that I had to take my coat off. I got off the bus and headed over to Schnucks, but changed my mind and went to Block Buster. I rented 2 movies: "Spiderman II" and "The Chronicles of Riddick." Then I head toward KFC to get some chicken. I had already decided upon an 8 piece, original, chicken only, with 4 jalapeños. However, I suddenly changed my mind and headed back to the Chinese Restaurant (which I usually forget about) and ordered a quart of Hot & Sour soup (for which THEY only charged about $3.75) and an order of General Tso's chicken. Got home... and put the Riddick movie in to watch and fixed a couple of plates of the Tso's chicken & fried rice. I could not eat it all. I was so tired, and felt so awful. I started to get nauseous from the food and could barely keep my eyes open for the movie. I made it to the end of the movie, but it was not all that good. I ended up going to bed about 7:00p. I lay in bed and watched TV until after midnight! I felt much better this morning. I went to bed at 7:00p last night, but I didn't really get to sleep until after midnight. I am sure glad its Friday though! It's cold this morning, and dark out with a strong breeze. Very wintry. I would not be surprised to see snow soon, though it was actually warm by yesterday afternoon. I met Skip on the way in to work this morning. He was at 5th&Mo on his way home. He looked beat from his trip to OKC. They are going to take Uncle Jesse off the respirator today. I am so sad I did not get to see him again. I really had hope to see him and get our picture together, knowing it might be the last time with his advancing age and failing health. Now its too late. If it weren't for all the problems here at work, I would have gone. 12:17p - I called about my glasses earlier this morning and they are STILL not in. I was expecting them about Tuesday, but it looks like I won't have them for this weekend either 1:32p - Just got back from lunch. It's a cold, wet and breezy day out there. It was a good day for a hot bowl of chili with a pinch of cheese mixed in. 5:59p - I am going to go down to Talayna's for a quick drink tonight. I had a fairly boring/typical day at work (if you don't count that I seem to be a pariah). At lunch I only had a bowl of chili.
SATURDAY
– DECEMBER
11, 2004
12:11a – 33° – I still have not fixed supper. Skip is on the phone with 'lisa (I think) updating as to Uncle Jesse's funeral arrangements. He is (of course) now passed-over to the next world and out of this one. It's hard to believe in a way. I am so sorry I did not get to see him before he passed on. I really wanted to, but... what can I say? I ended up not fixing supper at all last night and slept in until 11:00a again today. I fix my stir-fry pork this morning for brunch. 1:07p – 49° – Marty just came by and picked up his camera case which he had left here last night. I just barely made it to the bus stop by 4:05, but the bus was about 10 minutes late anyway. Made it to Talayna's for the Annual Zamenhoff Banquet precisely on time. Everything was as usual. I only took about 4 or 5 pictures, but I took a lot of movie clips, including of us singing Christmas songs in Esperanto. I caught the 8:36 train in time to catch the 9:03 bus (which left closer to 9:15). I set most of my files to upload to the new server tonight and let them run while I was in bed. I have today off as a vacation day. I did do too much, but I did get my shoulder roast in the oven. It needed to cook longer, but the well cooked part was good. I will need to cook it again I think. I watched the 2 hour premier of Earthsea tonight. I really doesn't follow the book very well, but it's recognizable as the same story. 11:00p – 25° – It's getting cold out! I am off to put some food away then to bed. I got some laundry folded & hung earlier. I have so much work to do around this house, but I have been so depressed I haven't been able to get the energy or focus on such mundane activities. TUESDAY
– DECEMBER
14, 2004 I slept well last night, except for one particularly disturbing dream. It started off with me test driving a a funny looking little car that looked like a "Der Weiner Schnitzle" franchise. We went to some building that I seemed to be familiar with. The brakes were very bad... I had to pressed them WAY down to the floor! Once in the building, I realized I had to pee. I started looking for a bathroom, but they were all occupied by maintenance men doing their job to restore the situation. One of the servicemen was Terry who worked at Gentry's Landing. Finally, I found a bathroom, though the toilet was no flushed. It was in a small kiosk with windows all the way around, but I did not care by this time as I had to pee so bad! Trying to keep a low profile, I went to pee in this toilet (which was in the middle of an office with windows all around). Immediately, I had a Police Officer there writing up a ticket for "indecent exposure" and a couple of other charges! What a horrid (and vivid) dream! I took about 30 minutes (or less) to go over and pick up my new glasses before lunch this morning. I took ½ hour of vacation time, though historically, this would not have been charged against my time. Mi komencis skribanta la paperoj por negoci mia situacio cxe la laborejo hodiaux. I hope I am doing the right thing. I think I am doing what I must. May the Gods be with me! I started boiling the bones from the pork roast tonight to make a stew. I will have it for supper. I watched the 2nd half of EARTHSEA ... it really varied from the original a lot. The beginning was close, but the story was not even close by the end of the saga! 12:35a – 18° – It's REALLY cold out! I have had supper, and am off to bed. 7:27a – 15° – It's even colder still! I better let Kira back in. 7:31a – 15° – She was laying out in the middle of the yard chewing on something... I have no idea what. It kind of scared me when I saw her laying out there. I had a flashback of coming home and finding Dax laying dead in the yard back 1993; but after 11 years and all the things I've been through with Kira, we are closer now than any four-legged friend in my life. 9:46p – 31° – Today was a dismal day at work... again. I used to love my job, now it is a dreadful thing that hangs over me like a morose shadow. To make matters worse, my computer crashed and burned at work today! 9:52p – 31° – I am off to bed early tonight. To depressed to do anything. Today was a typical day. I got to work early, had a chicken salad wrap for lunch, stayed late at work and got home late to live my mortal life. I got my computer at work more or less functional again, scanned the pictures of my niece (Devon), and life goes on! 12:29a – 37° – I am off to bed now. It was a long and boring day. I got home (as usual these day) very late. Skip and I went to St. Louis, LaClede's Landing again today. He wanted a steak at "Jake's Steaks." They were too expensive though, their prices had gone up. We ended up getting a couple of Quesadillas and a shot of Irish Whiskey. It wasn't too cold, and it has been a sunny day. 11:34p – 34° – I am off to bed now... Neither Skip nor I did a thing today. Well, Skip made great strides in his on-line Star Wars game apparently. My only accomplishment was getting my email addresses and distribution lists tediously copied over to the new servers (which is supposed to go-live on the 22nd). Other than that, I didn't do much. I did not feel very good and took a nap, getting up around 6:00p. I slept fitfully though. Later, I attempted to make some quesadillas with hamburger meat, refried beans and cheese. That will be lunch tomorrow too. 7:41a – 16° – I should not have taken the nap yesterday. I lay in bed awake until past 1:00a. Then had more bothersome dreams which I have allowed to dissipate from memory already (except for the "icky" feeling they leave behind). Back to work this morning; how dismal. At least its only a four-day week. LZ was out sick today, so it was just me and Gary. A very slow day at work. I stopped by the Loading Zone on my "wait" for the train tonight, and then I amused myself taking some night time photo while waiting for the train. Some of them came out pretty good. I stopped and KFC for some supper tonight, so I won't have to deal with cooking.
Yuletide Blessings on Yuletide day! 7:27a – 34° – I got up at 6:58a (a little bit early). It's warmer than I expected this morning, but for some reason I thought it was Wednesday. Kira's entire bottle of Proin has vanished! I went to give her a pill last night, and the whole BOTTLE is gone! I had it yesterday morning, so I don't know what could have happened to it. I always put it in the cabinet over the washer & dryer when I give her all her pills. Skip change the cat box and took out the garbage, so I am wondering if he somehow got the bottle of pills and threw them away? I don't know how he would "accidentally" do that... but the bottle is gone. It was getting low and I was just about to order her another batch anyway... 7:31a – 34° – I have another EAP meeting this morning at 11:00, and the office is having their Christmas luncheon. Since it is Yuletide day, I decided to go in this morning for an hour, then leave at 10:30; that should give me time to get to the appointment. Then I will take the remainder of the day off. I left my EAP meeting and took the remainder of the day off. I walked around downtown and took some photos, then headed home. I stopped at Wal-Mart and bought some Yuletide gifts for Skip, Marty and JR, then came home and had myself a little wrapping party. Then I proceeded to get slightly FESTIVE and actually put up the tree! Before going to bed, Skip opened his gift... a new digital camera! It cost me a little, but I didn't buy much this year, and he's worth it. It was 19° out when I left the house this morning. It it supposed to snow today, but it doesn't look like it to me. Inclement is imminent though. What a BORING day at work! The highlight of the day was walking across the street to pick up a chicken salad wrap for lunch. 7:00p - I just arrived at the metrolink train stop to catch the 7:01 train. It's has already been here and gone. I rode on down to 5th&Mo just in case the bus was late, but no such luck. I walked over to the bar to wait it out, but it was closed. Thoroughly disgusted, I took the train back to Casino Queen and called a cab. That cost me another $3 to the ATM machine and $15 to get home. This is ridiculous! Skip was wrapping gifts when I got home. For his office. We watched "I Robot" 5:10a – I woke with a start, hearing someone call my name! I had been dreaming of a plane crashing. I saw it coming in for a landing and it sounded "wrong." I was walking somewhere and, as usual, I was carrying my satchel with my camera in it. The plane seemed to have smoke coming from it and was coming it at the wrong angle. The tail suddenly dropped and the flipped over backward quite violently, but regained its flight again. However, it was still coming in wrong and I was sure it was going to crash. I hurried to get my camera out to camera the scene, but the plane crashed before I could succeed. There were explosions and flames and flying debris, but I stood there snapping shot after of flames and smoke... and maybe a burning body. I seemed not at all horrified by the awful scene, but completely enthralled by the great photo op! Then I heard my name called, and my eyes popped open. 7:39a – 10° – The wind chill factor is -4°. I never did get back to sleep after 5:10a.
11:22a – 24° – I got up about 8:00a this morning and have been working on email and web site issues. I got my journal to work properly finally, and I have WinSCP working too. I really like how it automatically updates my site when I save!
That was kind of cool. I got him a 128Mb SD card for his camera. He said it will take him forever to fill it up! RD sent me lots of xmas pictures taken with "The ButterCam" ... which is our little joke for my old camera that I sent to her. SUNDAY
– DECEMBER
26, 2004 2:24p – 39° – I slept (fitfully) until almost 11:00a. I felt bad this morning. Dizzy. Kept having waves of dizziness, even while laying in bed trying to sleep. The dreams were disturbing me again. I forgot most of them already, but there was one in which I was being attacked by some inky black stuff; a malignant tar-like creature. Probably a result of having discussed the same with Scott on line yesterday, discussing how Tasha Yar was killed in Star Trek (Next Generation). I got more email from Chad this morning. He is not very talkative of course. I don't know where he is living or if he has his own computer now or what. I sent him lots of pictures though. Hope he likes them. Skip put the weather stripping on the back door this morning. It is warming up a bit now. Nearly 40°! Kira spent some time in the back yard earlier harassing a big fat squirrel. Marty is supposed to come over sometime today. I don't know when. The barrel is full though, and Mary & JR have a couple of gifts to open. Wow... I just realized that Yule and Xmas have passed and I never got a single gift. I know Skip has something planned for me though, but I am not worried about it. 2:39p – 39° – I need to get up and get motivated! The house needs some serious cleaning and Kira direly needs bathing. I guess I need to do laundry too, for (ick!) work tomorrow. At least we have another four-day work week next week. I got the living room picked up; that made a big difference. If I got to the vacuuming and mopping the kitchen, that would have been better, but... best intentions, etc. Marty and JR came over. They opened their gifts, but ended up trading them! LOL! Whatever... as long as they are happy with them. Then they called later to say they think the left them here at my place by accident when they departed. I haven't been about to find them anywhere.
7:47a – 17° – Time to get ready for work. It's cold out this morning! I better let Kira back in. My foot hurts this morning. The right one is dry and cracked in the middle from this cold, dreary weather. I can barely walk on it. I put some heel balm on it a bit ago. Hopefully that, and the moisture from the shower will soften it up and relieve some of the pain. I hope. I still have to walk to/from the bus stop. I finally got Darlene's book "Lucy's Treasure" in the mail to her with a letter and some pictures. Aslo, one of the three books that I ordered arrived today, "Alvin Maker: Journeyman." I finished the "Emmortals" book that I was reading, finally (It was boring!), and began my new one. I was simply exhausted today! I wanted to call in sick so badly, but I stuck it out. I called Calisa from work to wish her a Happy Birthday. I got her package started and will try to get it in the mail in the next couple of days. I came home, went through a little email, paid a couple of bills, warmed up yet another dish of leftover spaghetti and went to bed. 7:48a – 40° – It has been a lot warmer here lately. No time to type more this morning. Must rush and get ready for work. RD is on her way to Jersey today with the ButterCam. I should be seeing some pictures of her trip soon. Today was pretty much a typical day, except that the weather was much nicer than it should be for this time of year, and LZ is still out. She has been on vacation all week. Skylar called me just before leaving work and suggested I meet him and Denise down at Hooter's for a few beers. I did so, but I missed the 6:11 train, caught the 6:21. Got down there about 6:30. We had some Killians and I debated on whether to order some food. I took some pictures, playing with the camera some while there...
... then I woke up at home. It was about 5:00a. What happened!? Did someone put something in my drink!? This was too weird. I was just having some beers and the next thing I know I am waking up in bed at home. I don't even remember leaving Hooters! It's not like I was drinking strong liquor... just some beer after work! I ran off to the living room and verified my camera, coat, satchel, etc., were all okay. How upsetting and totally unexpected! I completely lost the evening just from drinking a few beers. That is just not normal... not like me at all. Skip says I let Kira outside and forgot her, cooked a meal (and know one knows what I ate), and burned some of the element covers on the stove. What a bizarre night! Something was way wrong about the entire situation... hmmm....
It was around 4:00 or 5:00pm that Skip decided he would start setting up my new desk in my office. I started to relay this fact to RD with whom I was chatting on-line, but all of a sudden my screen went BLACK... Skip had pulled the frelling power cord! In disgust, I decided to hit the shower since I had to go to the New Year's part over at JR's anyway. Marty came over a bit earlier than I had expected, but I was nearly ready. We picked up some beer and party favors, though we could not find any champaign glasses. All the stores seemed to be sold out. The party was pleasant enough. I enjoy sitting outside around the fire they had stoked, an the weather was warm. |
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