MONDAY – NOVEMBER 1, 2004

7:51a – Running behind schedule (as usual). It's chilly out this morning. Looks wet. Overcast. Okay... time to shower!

I helped a deaf lady on the bus this morning. Her name is Mary and she was signing. We chatted on the bus and the train; I was amazed at how well my sign language has held up over the years. She works at the post office, 66 years old, a recovered cancer patient, and her car had broken down. Quite a wide range of topics!

12:53p – I just ordered an ink refill for my Where's George stamp.

1:43p – It's raining and I did not feel like walking through the rain to the book store, so I am just eating at my desk.

3:13p – I stumbled into the most interesting site at TTS a few moments ago. An excellent speech synthesizer!

3:18p – I was just going over in my mind some of the strange and complicated dreams that I was having last night. I was a detective and went to some man's house. He walked with me up his driveway and to the house (I had parked along side the road). The path to the house was very steep and I found myself wondering if the floor was flat inside! We came up to the entryway and I noticed the railing on the steps were very unique; a reddish brown color in a ribbon-like style. Once we stepped inside, I noticed the decor continued with the same theme of "reddish brown" and ribbon-like decorations.

The man was very polite and hospitable, but I knew that his son was involved in some dangerous and illegal scheme. I pretended not to know and was alert to catch him in some kind of lie or mistake.

At some point, my perspective changed, and I found myself in the position of my host. I was following his thoughts (or *having* his thoughts) and he was worried about his home, which he was very proud of. He knew there was going to be a nuclear explosion that would devastate the area and his home would be wipe out forever, unless some particular event took place and/or or was averted. He never thought about it clearly enough for me to determine what it was, but I got the impression that his son was involved and was trying to save people from this disaster.

I have NO idea where this strange dream originated or what sparked it off in my mind, but it was another of those realistic dreams that seemed to be so full of details, color and other sensory input; and dealt people, places and events about which I know nothing. These are the most peculiar dreams!

5:36p – I have to reboot, so... may as well send my day's note to the house. Hope Kira is doing okay. I've been worried about her alone, after yesterday's spell.

5:37p – It's dark outside! The time changed this past weekend and this is the first work day on "winter time."

7:37p – What dark dismal ride home, and with no book to read (of deaf people to sign with!). I called Marlene and chatted until the phone cut out on Mildred. Stopped at Q-Mart and walked home. I nearly fell down as I was walking up to the house in the dark. I stepped on something, twisted my ankle, leaving my ankle back and hip in a few moments of pain. I seem to be okay now. I bet it will hurt in the morning though.

7:45p – I got laundry washed (waiting for Skip to empty the dryer now). I got veggies cut up and added to the crock-pot, pills taken, dog fed already relaxing, all in less than an hour.

10:39p – We just finished watching the latest version of "Dawn of the Dead." I had supper, consisting of leftover and "enhanced" chuck roast (stew) from yesterday. It will probably be lunch tomorrow too. For now though, it is off to bed with me!

TUESDAY – NOVEMBER 2, 2004
Election Day

7:48a – It feels cooler this morning that yesterday. I made breakfast for the rest of the week, consisting of jello (1 package for 4 days), fruit, and cottage cheese. Must dip some stew out for lunch today.

Today was rather cool. Caught the bus on time and got to work on time.

I got a response email from Karen regarding my inquiry as to Nikki's well being. It was a bit harsh, but... what can I expect. They don't know what I went through, and I can't put it in words. Whatever... I guess that era is behind me. Just because I believe in maintaining contacts, friendships and in keeping our history alive, does not obligate others to do the same. It's just hard for me to fathom that someone would commit to a friendship and then allow it to dissipate due to "growing apart." It requires an effort, like anything worthwhile. However, that effort does need to be on both sides, and I am not seeing that. After a quarter of a century, I would expect such a friendship to have a special value above and beyond social status, money, personal beliefs, and so forth; however, I guess I am still growing and learning. Its just sad to realize I spent all those years and all that time for naught. (Or was it? I don't know).

Very sad... very distressing and upsetting. Maybe the saddest part is to realize that I have passed through the fires of such terrible times and emerged on the other side in success. Not unscathed, but alive and well and better in some ways for my ordeal, yet I find I have lost some of my most valued factors ... my friends. Well... I thought they were friends. I guess the were friends. I know which ones were and which ones were not. I am thinking a lot of Jack and Chuck tonight, as well as my brother, Skip. They have stood by me through it all, and continue to respect me and love me despite my failings. Bless them! Each of them for their various parts in my drama. Jack, who came to my rescue; Skip, who had to live with me during the worst of it; and Chuck, who understands, forgives, and lets it pass like a foul smell blown away in a breeze. I also thank my dear friend who I have never met in person, Ruby Dancingmoon, who has offered and provided her angelic support over the past couple of years!

I installed fresh ink in my printer tonight, reinstalled my printer drivers. That turned out to be more of a chore than I expected. At first I was just going to clean the print heads with some alcohol, but then the printer would not work at all! I finally had to change the cartridges, which I am hesitant to do. Once opened, they begin to dry out and at over $50 each time, that can be quite expensive!

One might notice the hazy background image of this web page and see me, Jack and Nikki enjoying a Thanksgiving meal together in Pinehills, Florida, 1984. I think Doug took this picture. Do I "dwell in the past?" ... not really. I do have fond memories and do try to document, record, remember and recall as much as I can. That is the purpose of my autobiography, diary and journal entries!

11:15p – So... I wonder is going to win the election? I am for Kerry (of course). The polls I hear are close, however, I expect Bush to win (and America to lose).

11:44p – 49° – I just finished created the banner for this page. It's not too bad! I like it. However, time for bed.

WEDNESDAY – NOVEMBER 3, 2004

Happy Birthday to Nikki Everett Once one of my closest & dearest friends...

7:24a – 44° – I am up. Had my usual night of exhausting dreams, but this morning I can't remember anything, except there was something about some "glitter" in one scene. I vaguely recall that. I can also recall having dreams, so its strange how I can forget what they were! It was just a few minutes ago.

7:49a – 45° – Off to shower! (Where DOES the time go?!)

8:17a - At the bus stop. Its cold and wet. I may wear my big yellow coat tomorrow if it gets any colder.

I walked over to Barnes & Nobles at lunch and bought a new book: "A Wizard of Earthsea" by Ursula K. LeGuin. The Movie based on her story is due to come out on December 13th.

THURSDAY – NOVEMBER 4, 2004

En Memoriam "REX" A Belovéd Pet Our dog who was killed on this date. 1815 Trumbull Street, Deltona, Florida March, 1991 -- November 4, 1992 Rex was not an exceptional dog, but he was loving and loveable. He came to live with us when he was about six weeks old on May 4th, 1991. He will live on with us in our hearts. We will miss his playful spirit. ~ "Good boy, Rex!" ~

7:52a – 48° – I got up late! Must hurry...

For some reason, I turned my alarm off this morning, instead of pressing the snooze button. I almost missed the bus as a result. I got to the bus stop just as the bus arrived and had to hurry to catch him. At least I did not have to stand out in the chill weather wait for him.

I again had my fruit & cottage cheese for breakfast. I have been good all week. I had left over rice & stew which I brought in yesterday for lunch.

Lisa left around noon and will be gone the remainder of the day. It's just me and Gary, but he will be leaving at about 3:00p.

Well, Kerry conceded his run for President, so it looks like we will be stuck with Bush for another term. That was yesterday's news, of course. Just thinking about it. Not surprised, but disheartened.

5:47p - Time to shutdown!

7:52a – 46° – I am off to bed

FRIDAY – NOVEMBER 5, 2004

I woke up around 4:30 this morning and could not get back to sleep until about 6:00a. Of course, when my alarm went off, I was bone tired. However, I dragged myself out of bed, got my morning chores tended, including putting on a roast in the crock-pot. (I got most of it ready last night). I made it to the bus stop precisely at 8:18a. The bus had to take some detours over around 8th street this morning for some reason. I was reading my book and not paying close attention.

9:37a – I had my fruit & cottage cheese for breakfast. I am really dragging this morning. I am glad it's Friday. I look forward to sleeping in late tomorrow!

10:38a – We just got back in from a fire alarm; the building was evacuated. I could not believe that 90% of the people came out of the building and stood right next to the building! Even in a DRILL you're not supposed to do that! If the building is on fire, the windows can explode and spray the crowd with debris. Even MORE stupid were all the dingbats standing under the awning! If there were an explosion and that awning fell, it would have been like a giant fly swatter smashing all those people! I wanted to scream at them to GET AWAY FROM THE BUILDING YOU FOOLS! don't *assume* it's a false alarm... that's how lives are lost... grrr... makes me angry!

Then the Security personnel came along and the first thing they should have done was to tell the people to move across the street. Instead, they headed in the building. Did they know it was safe? Shouldn't the Fire Department make such determinations? ... and where was the Fire Department anyway? What if it was a real fire? Our safety "standards" here obviously need to be given some thought. I can't even remember the last time we had a fire drill. I called Skip while standing outside. He says he is leaving early and going home. 12:49p – I am getting hungry... more than ready for lunch!

2:07p – Lunch was filling. Now (of course) I am sleepy. It's not very busy today.

2:57p – I just got my new "Currency Tracking Project" stamp from stamp-connection.com and stamped all my on-hand cash. Now I need to see if the extra stamp variations increase my hit rate.

3:49p – I am so bored. What a slow day!

5:36p – I just sent an email to Tad explaining why I don't talk to him any more. Don't know if his email even works, but Lisa said he had made a comment that I did not respond to his emails, so I guess his computer is back up & running.

8:11p – It smelled wonderful when I stepped into the house from work this evening. The roast appears to be very tender... which it should be after 13+ hours of cooking! I dipped some broth to sip from a cup, but ended up scalding my frelling tongue! Now I guess I won't be able to taste the dren later.

9:52p – Wow! On the same day that I received my new stamps (for "Where's George") I have FINALLY gone over the 100% Mark! I hit 99% today! YAY! I am now 99 out of 2,503 participants in the state of Illinois.

11:17p – Skip is watching, "The Mexican." Kira is outside. I just finished my supper and am going to leave the remainder of the roast sitting out. Off to bed for me now. I can sleep in tomorrow! Yay! I need it. (Let's see if I actually DO sleep in though!).

SATURDAY – NOVEMBER 6, 2004

10:19a – 60° – I got up at 7:30. I've sent out my recipe for the weekend, checked email, had a bite to eat, and that's about it. I need to get motivated, but I feel more like taking a nap.

1:25p – 70° – What a lazy day. I am not getting a thing accomplished.

4:43p – We are off to the store now.

8:18p – I got back about 6:50p. We walked over to Wal-Mart. I got a fresh bottle of my Jovan cologne, a couple of seasonal "pumpkin spice" candles, more tint for my hair (I am dropping down to #53, a darker color this time). As we were shopping through Wal-Mart, more for something to do than any real need for supplies, Skip stopped to look at some "spy toys." I told him I had my own "spy camera" and took a picture of him. I got a few more items, then we we over to Schnuck's. Skip and I both kind of had our heart set on enchiladas. I was going to make them the way Mom used to make them. I found all the ingredients we needed, even a roast chicken, since Skip wanted some chicken enchiladas. However, the final and most important ingredient, the maíz tortillas, were not available! I was amazed, disgusted, and highly aggravated. They had harina tortillas and "wheat" tortillas, pero no tenían algo tan básico como las tortillas del maíz! Unbelievable! Both of us were totally put off by this and have now reorganized our entire meal. Hicieron las tortillas hacer de trigo y de harina, pero no vendieron las tortillas del maíz. ¡Esto muy agravaba!

We were going to have a "joint" meal (rare for us), but now we are back to our own separate creations. ¿Qué puedo decir? I am still having basically the same thing, except I put the chicken back and just got some hamburger meat. I am just making nachos. I am also lapsing into Spanish. Sorry...

9:13p – JR just called. They are coming over to pick up the cans tonight.

11:43p – Off to bed (Marty & JR have come and gone). My Nachos were... "okay" .. nothing spectacular.

SUNDAY – NOVEMBER 7, 2004

Did not do much all day. Eventually Skip and I walked over to Schnuck's. I cooked a huge batch of chicken and rice for supper. Skip rented "Garfield" and I watched part of it.

10:43p – 47° – I am off to eat a bite, then off to bed.

MONDAY – NOVEMBER 8, 2004

10:44p – 36° – I had to call in sick this morning. I guess it was another case of my medicines messing with me. I spent some time working with the new web site, ate a lot, took several naps, and hope I feel better in the morning. I talked to Jack for a while on the phone tonight. Adam's job is still going well. They expect to be out this way next summer to get their stuff out of storage. The temperature may be down to freezing to night, so I brought my plants in. I hope the bell pepper does not dehydrate.

10:48p – 36° – I am off to bed (again) now.

TUESDAY – NOVEMBER 9, 2004

7:49a – 32° – It's freezing out (literally). I think I will wear my big coat this morning for the first time. I feel better this morning, but I was sure bombarded by dreams last night! In one of them I bought a fried turkey for Thanksgiving. the Carl M. was in the dream and he was having to take the public transit system. I ended up giving him the turkey to take home with him because I realized he did not know how long it was going to take to get home on the bus system. I spoke to Skip (in the dream) and told him I had given the turkey away. I said I didn't really want an already cooked turkey anyway because then we would miss out on the smell of turkey cooking on Thanksgiving. He agreed and we decided to brave the crowds in the stores on the night before Thanksgiving. It was night time and late, but the stores were crowded and most of the goods had been sold. My dream did not ever get around to actually buying the darn turkey though!

I feel MUCH better this morning!

4:05p – I just spent $453.00 on a new camera! I feel like I am about to hyperventilate. The Olympus C-5060. I finally gone and done it.

The train was late tonight due to a mechanical failure and did not arrive at CWE until 6:09. However, this was the affected train and it was out of service. This "good" train came through at 6:11p. Of course I was late. I got off at LaClede's Landing and had a rum & coke (ick! too sweet), and then 3 beers. I chatted with Lisa the bartender, who I have known for a couple of years now. She was in a bad accident and her arm was in a brace. She told me that Leo (who works there) recently bought a Jeep for only $100! After the tip, my bill came to about $20. I went to catch the train, but it was late again, or I was off schedule... anyway, I could not catch the 7:24p bus, so I got off at Casino Queen and called a cab. I had to go in and use an ATM machine to pull out $20 (plus a $3 fee, plus another $1.50 fee...). The cab cost me $15, so this evening cost me nearly $40 just to get home!

WEDNESDAY – NOVEMBER 10, 2004

12:48a – 46° – I finally got supper out of the way and am off to bed. What an AWFUL evening...

I went with DM to buy some birthday party favors this afternoon. We went to Dollar Tree, then to Wal-Mart. I got LW a beautiful crystal vase by St. George for her birthday gift. I also picked up some scented oils for myself. We stopped at Taco Bell and I got some lunch and took back to the office. After LW left, I decorated her cubicle (I hope the balloons hold up until morning!).

Finished the Earthsea book on the way home on the bus. After getting home, I warmed up some leftovers and ate a bite.

8:39p – 58° – I am off to bed now, but I am watching "Queen of the Damned" on the USA channel.

THURSDAY – NOVEMBER 11, 2004

Happy Birthday to Linda Whiting Co-Worker - St. Louis, MO

I began my job as "Word Processing Support Analyst" under
Bureau Chief, Jim Kutcher, on the date with the City of Orlando in 1985.

7:50a – 51° – I got up late after going to bed very early. (Pressed the OFF button instead of the SNOOZE again!). It stormed all night and it is overcast now. I think it quit raining. Artie sent me a bunch of pictures, including some of Mom as a young girl! I am thrilled! D. Moyer emailed me and tells me the Pete (Pete & Theresa Dilling) passed away. They were a couple I knew in my skating days. The drove me to my first meet in Jacksonville in 1978. I also got email this morning from cousin Jim Langford sending me his sister Debbie's email. (And yesterday 'lisa emailed me, she is finally back on line).

7:54a – 51.1° – Time to run to the shower!

8:54a – 51.1° – Apparently I missed the bus! I was at the stop at the normal time, but he never showed. I waited until 8:30a... nothing. Nothing I can do I guess.

I go to the bus stop (the second time) much earlier, just in case. Sure enough, the bus was running about 2 minutes early!

Got to work about 10:04a. Got Linda's gift wrapped. She has unwrapped it again already (what a waste of time and paper; such a silly custom). She seems to like her vase (I know I do!).

The cake was good. I scarfed down 2 pieces!

Oh, wow! Money is already deposited in the bank for this pay period. Today is Veteran's Day.

12:10p – It's still raining and yucky out. Lisa & Gary just went to lunch. This day is going by so fast!

3:39p – Our plans for Matt's lunch is all changed and now it is going to be a breakfast. Meanwhile, Lisa and I are still supposed to go over to Brenda's to work on her computer. I don't know how I can do that and still make something for the breakfast in the morning.

5:51p – Lisa stayed until 6:00 tonight. I will be riding from here to Brenda's with her.

I was successful in getting Brenda connect correctly, but she did not have the needed passwords to log on to her DSL account. Brenda made some WONDERFUL pumpkin bread, which I had with a cup of milk while we were there. Lisa and I drove back to Cahokia and I picked up some things at the store for Matt's farewell (his last day is tomorrow). She drove buy Taco Bell and we picked up something for supper. However, I was not in the mood to eat (probably still full from the pumpkin bread)). I finally ate part of it around midnight! Then forced myself to go to bed, even though I was not sleepy.

FRIDAY – NOVEMBER 12, 2004

7:46a – 37° – It's sunny out, but apparently quite chilly! At least the rain appears to have quit. Maybe the weekend will be nice.

MY NEW CAMERA ARRIVED THIS AFTERNOON!

One of my first pictures with my new Olympus C-5060

SATURDAY – NOVEMBER 13, 2004

It was almost like Yuletide morning for me. I got up early around 6:30a and fixed a bowl of soup, checked email and so forth. I have been playing with my camera all day. I took a bunch of pictures just in the back yard, practicing with the macro lens, then I walked down to the park and took pictures of ducks and geese. I got some great shots of the ducks in flight!

One of my first attempts at a macro shot with my new C-5060

Marty came over so JR could get the cans. He gave Skip a ride over to Wal-Mart to pick up the Kitchen Island that I put on lay-away. I handed Skip the money and the receipt, but it turned out that they would not let him pick up the item! So, he just bought another one and brought me the receipts. Now I have to go back over and see about getting my money back. Watch them give me a hassle over this now... we'll see.

SUNDAY – NOVEMBER 14, 2004

Yet another day spent largely playing with my new toy! Skip and I both walked down to the park today. I was going to take my Wal-Mart receipt with me and we were going to go see about getting my money back, but I forgot to take it with me. We stopped and Captain D's and had a bite to eat. This was not our intention, but as we were walking along and Skip smelled the smells of cooking he got pulled in like a magnet. I just had a couple of pieces of fish, but he got a big "sampler" platter and pigged out. I left him eating and headed over to the park with my bag of stale bread and an old bagel.

Photo taken at the park today...

The ducks and geese were on me like a "Hobo on a ham sandwich"! I could barely move, they were clustered so thickly at my feet, all vying for a piece of bread. It was hilarious and entertaining. Skip joined me and I think he had as much fun as I did.

MONDAY – NOVEMBER 15, 2004

I did it again! I meant to press the snooze button on my alarm clock, but I turned it OFF instead! I woke up by accident and noticed the clock said 7:24. I really had to rush to get out on time, but I made it. Of course, the bus was late today <sigh>...

I did not fix my fruit/cottage cheese bowls for breakfast this week, so I stopped at Olin Hall and got a biscuit & gravy (and sausage) for breakfast. I took my big lunch bowl with me to work with leftovers from last night. Rice and Chuck stew. However, I only dished out a small portion and heated it up. I ate this a bit early, and for lunch I took a walk with my (you guessed it...) new camera! I gook a few video clips and more macros. I need more practice!

5:45p – I intended to write more throughout the day, but I have been too busy!

I got off the bus one stop early by the Hardee's. I had intended to walk over to Schnuck's to get something for supper, but since I was there I went in and got a couple of hamburgers for supper. I have lived here in Cahokia for over 15 months and that was the first time I patronized the place. I am not a big fan of Hardee's though. They choices are a bit limited. I used to like them back when I lived on Oakridge Road in Orlando. There was one right down he street almost to Orange Blossom Trail and I used to enjoy the Swiss & Mushroom burger.

TUESDAY – NOVEMBER 16, 2004

7:34a – 51° – I got up extra early this morning, around 6:40a. I am taking this time to catch up my journal entries which, since getting my camera, have fallen behind. I have so many photos to include, but they will have to wait.

I took some more interesting shots at lunch today, though it was cloudy and trying to rain. We got stats back from the ACD phone system at work, and I can see where this is going. I am very upset. I know what's going to happen. I am going to be told that I am required to stay until precisely 6pm every day to log out the phone. That means I will miss my 6:01p train; thereby missing the 6:24p bus. I will have to wait (somewhere) for an hour for the 7:24p bus, which goes down Water Street and takes a half hour longer. I won't get home until 8:30p, taking 1½ hours out of my personal time. I try to go to bed about 11:00p, so that gives me 2½ hours to shop, cook, do chores, check email, and "relax."

WEDNESDAY – NOVEMBER 17, 2004 7:52a – 57° – I woke around 3:00a ... fretting over the issues at work. So now I am exhausted this morning. I talked to DM about the issue this morning. I am not overly hopeful... I went to see Terri and got my hair cut at lunch today. BADLY needed I suppose. After lunch I warmed my food up, but the DM wanted to meet with me in BS's office to discuss my evening/time issue. After our discussion, I feel a little better about it all, but it is not really "resolved." We are going to see how it works out if I DO NOT LOG OUT in the evenings. I called the voice mail at 6pm. Made it home on time. Oh what a stress. I guess I will have to go back to a car driving life style soon. I want to in a way, but there are many reasons that I don't.

Experiments with my new camera taking shots of my lunch today...

8:58p – I am trying to get a lot done tonight. Have bed clothes washing & leftovers warming up. Next... I will begin the pet memorial project on Kira's web page for "Jenna." I created a beautiful memorial collage with her picture! Next I will see if I can create memorials for Thor and Rex. Hair Cut!

11:59p – 58° – I got all my bed clothes back on the bed. Off to bed now. Way too late. Darn! How strange! I was going to brush my hair and the brush snapped in half!

THURSDAY – NOVEMBER 18, 2004

7:22a – 54° – I slept soundly last night! Some moderately weird dreams, but nothing unusual.

11:47p – 54° – I got my Arroz con Pollo Asada made for the luncheon tomorrow. I am so tired. Barely able to keep my eyes open!

FRIDAY – NOVEMBER 19, 2004

7:53a – 53° – I turned off my alarm and fell back to sleep! Woke up at 7:45. In a MAJOR rush!!

8:09a – I made it AND updated my journal. LOL!

I got to work on time, warmed up my rice dish and took a few pictures of the event.

It was a little after 11:00am... I was really anticipating the upcoming feast! The smells of baking bread and other other food was wonderful! However, I had to make a call to Fed-Ex about my recent on-line order. I had attempted to have them deliver to the office, but there were shipping it to the home address! While I was on the phone, Lisa Z. was very adamant that I check my SameTime IM... which stated that I needed to go to LD's office for something. I assumed it that she was having a computer problem. (She is my Director's immediate superior).

I went over to see what was needed and found LR, BS and LD all waiting for me. To my dismay and astonishment, I was being called on the carpet for, among other accusations, "falsification of time records!" I am amazed and mortified that they 'went there!' This is not right at all. I have NEVER falsified one single document and I dare them to prove that! I have only documented on my time sheets that I worked "8" hours. The only falsification about this is that I have on so many occasions worked MORE than 8 hours! Which clock are they going by anyway? I go by my cell phone, which usually has a different time that the phone's clock, which has a different time from the network's time, all of which are often as much as 10 minutes behind the clock on the wall which much of the office refers to.

I was horrified to learn that they were sending me home! I was not to participate in the luncheon for which I had just spent about $30... I was not even allowed to go back to my office to collect my belongings!! I don't know if I being punished or fired! Is this suspension with or without pay? I don't know. I was told not to come in on Monday. I don't know if I am terminated or what...

I am in a state of shock and despair. What is going on? Why are they doing this to me? I have been constantly harassed since I first started having massive headaches on Thanksgiving day, 2002. I first mentioned this in my journal entries on 12/17/2002.

LR brought my belongings to me. (oh... and she took the liberty of taking all my MIR keys off my key ring!). I was "dismissed." I felt like a criminal or something. Not a member of the staff. How can they do this to me? I mean, in good conscious, how? I pray I never become so vile of heart as to treat people the way I have been treated here. Is it because I have health issues which I decline to reveal? Or because I am gay? Or because I am not a "Christian"? Is it because I am a Sci-fi fan and dress up as a Klingon for conventions? Because I don't have a car? Any of this? None of this? ... I don't know.

I hope they enjoy the Thanksgiving feast into which I contributed money, time, and food. I bought 2 new serving dishes for the occasion and spent about $30 on supplies for the meal! Frankly, I think they should reimburse me!

All I know is ... I work as hard as anyone else, do a good job, provide excellent service, enjoy my work and get along with my co-workers. I only have a "transportation problem" because I respect my environment and choose not to pollute it further, not to drive yet another vehicle and bring our world to further ruin. It's not easy, but I am proud of myself for sticking to this practice for 4½ years now.

Why, one might ask, do I continue to choose to live with no car? I have no off-spring. No descendants to live in the quagmire of my generation's creation! Let them fend for themselves! But... that is not right and I know it. That is not my way ... nor an honorable consideration. (Yes... I am rambling. I am pretty upset).

So, I left the office in a daze of disbelief, depression and fear. What am I going to do if I have lost my job? I have medical needs and requirements?! My LIFE is on the line here! They are threatening my LIFE!!

So... I stumbled in a daze from the office... I called Skip right off the bat to tell him what was going on. He suggested I should go to HR. That had occurred to me as well, but hearing him say it in my distraught condition convinced me he had the right of it. So... I turned around and headed over to HR. I had a long discussion with S. Sledge and expressed my position. I don't know for sure where I stand with her/them... but at least I got MY position out in the open. Possibly the main point that my conversation with her brought to light was the fact that they were accusing me of "falsifying time records" ... which is NOT true! I have only said I was working 8 hours which is usually true. In those cases where it is NOT true, this is because I have worked MORE the 8 hours. I never once said I was working to 6:00pm. Even if I did, the clock over the receptionist's desk is usually fast; many people regulate their hours by that clock, and in this case I would have been leaving right about 6:00pm every day (or later!).

So... what if I get fired? (am fired?) Do I seek a lawsuit? Kill myself in despair (don't laugh... I am reaching the end of my rope!), just go look for another job (with no degree, being "fired" and/or whatever!?).

Well... with the City of Orlando, I was sick and could not fend for myself. That is not the case now. I am fully considering a law suite for wrongful termination if it comes down to it.

9:50p – 55° – I am fixing supper (more chicken & rice!). Just bathed Kira. I am so much in despair... what shall I do? I just don't know. Just don't know. I am just sick with worry.

SATURDAY – NOVEMBER 20, 2004

2:36p – 56° – I have, of course, been horribly depressed and worried all day. It's making me sick. I think I am going to go for a walk with my camera and try to get centered a little.

'Your Bills' Summary Statistics You have entered 1,725 Bills worth $11,837 Bills with hits: 202 Total hits: 228 Hit rate: 11.71% Slugging Percentage: 13.22% (total hits/total bills) George Score: 816.37 Your rank (based on George Score) is #2,475 (out of 10,259 current users with a George Score. [75.9 Percentile]) Your State Rank in Illinois is: 98 out of 2,543 [96.1]

Skip and I went for a walk today. I think he was trying to distract me from my woes and worries, bless his heart. It helped a little. I am so lucky I have my brother living with me. This would be even worse alone. We stopped at Q-mart a got a loaf of bread, then went over the park to fee the ducks.

SUNDAY – NOVEMBER 21, 2004

I had dreams last night that the USA was being attacked. Bombs were being dropped. A very realistic dream except that the US Planes were an airborne version of the Metropolitan Nash! Little planes, flying slowly. Light blue and white in color. Meanwhile, big jets from other countries were flying over, dropping bombs. We were being devastated and the dream was not very pleasant. Sustiva strikes again!

4:31p – 49° – This has been a depressing day. Worse than yesterday. I am dreading tomorrow. I think I will try to contact a Labor Attorney first, before even trying to contact the office. Even if I am not terminated, the distress they have put me through for the past 3 days is unwarranted.

5:58p – 48° – I just contacted the Champaign Law Firm regarding my situation. I will call them in person tomorrow. I am ready to do battle! I am tired of being trampled upon.

MONDAY – NOVEMBER 22, 2004

12:06a – 44° – I am off to bed now. Still as depressed as ever. I told Jack and Marty about my dilemma today. We will see how it goes tomorrow...

8:23a – 44° – I woke up a 6:00a after a night of wild dreams. I haven't been able to get back to sleep. I am so sick with worry, I nearly threw up this morning! Kira is outside. I am going to let her back in and lay back down. I need to try to rest some before dealing with this day.

2:27p – 49° – Mi telefonvokis alia Advokadon kaj lasis mesaĝon por li. Mi esperas ke unu el tiuj Advokadoj revokos min.

2:30p – 49° – Ankoraŭ, neniu de mia oficejo estas vokinta min.

I printed out some of my artwork and framed it. I also got it hung up on the wall in my office. I am not happy with the quality of the paper I am using. I need to make many changes ... 2:34p – 49° – The office finally called. I am being suspended without pay for two weeks. Still no explanation as to what I am being *charged* with. I asked and was told to contact HR. I called HR and got no answer. Strangely, the ones most affected by this will be my coworkers who have to cover my workload. I have money saved, have rent paid through to the end of the year, will still have Skip's rent payments coming in on payday... and will hardly be affected by this insult. So, I get 2 weeks off and plan to party and have fun. Meanwhile, my coworkers are going to have to work harder. I feel no guilt... it was not my decision. This was a process set by management. Meanwhile, I am going to begin the needed steps to get my glasses, license and a car. This upsetting incident convinces me I am neither wanted nor appreciated in my current position. I cannot advance in this place, mere survival is becoming a bore, so I must move on...

HIGHEST POSITION YET! 'Your Bills' Summary Statistics You have entered 1,725 Bills worth $11,837 Bills with hits: 202 Total hits: 228 Hit rate: 11.71% Slugging Percentage: 13.22% (total hits/total bills) George Score: 816.37 Your rank (based on George Score) is #2,453 (out of 10,181 current users with a George Score. [75.9 Percentile]) Your State Rank in Illinois is: 97 out of 2,546 [96.2]

9:28p – 48° – I walked over to Schnuck's around 4:30 to get something to eat. I could not find anything that I fancied. I did pick up some hamburger meat and some Quick Grits. Then went to KFC and got an 8 piece bucket. I have been munching on that all night. I think there are 2 or 3 pieces left! I ate 2 of the 4 jalapeños too.

TUESDAY – NOVEMBER 23, 2004

I am still sitting at home in a state of depression over what my office has done to me. Skip got off work early, stopped by my office and picked up my book, and came home. Later we went shopping for some Thanksgiving supplies. I am not really in the mood, but I am trying not to think about it. We rented "Shrek II" and "Harry Potter: The Prisoner of Askaban." Shrek was hilarious... I really enjoyed it and needed something funny. I fried up some Whiting and steamed some green beans for supper. Then we started Harry Potter, but couldn't finish it. I went to bed shortly after it started. I was feeling a touch feverish.

WEDNESDAY – NOVEMBER 24, 2004

Skip had the day off. We didn't do much. It started snowing today! BIG fluffy flakes. It rained all night and the temperature was about 34° so I did not expect it to stick, but it made an impressive little flurry!

We finished watching Harry Potter, and later went back to Schnuck's for some last minute shopping and picked up a couple more movies. This time we got "Around the World in 80 Days" (with Jackie Chan) and "White Chicks" (starry some Black Dudes!).

We got most of the food ready or started for tomorrow. The turkey has been injected full of our experimental mixture of honey, butter and blackberry brandy. I warmed up left over fish & beans from last night and we watched the Jackie Chan movie. It was much better than we expected!

THURSDAY – NOVEMBER 25, 2004

Happy 16th Birthday to my niece Pamela Devon Norris In Minco, Oklahoma

I Skip got up very early to put the turkey in, but discovered that the pans he was going to use were no good. So he went back to bed. Later he got up and went to the store and picked up a nice pan to cook the turkey in.

10:03a – The turkey just went in the oven!

5:00p– We are just getting ready to eat finally! I am starving too. We popped in the movie "White Chicks" but didn't finish it. I will try to watch it tomorrow.

Once again we realized that we FORGOT something during the Thanksgiving meal. Skip had made Deviled Eggs and I made Mom's traditional Golden Salad... and we left them in the fridge! Oh, well, it will get eaten!

FRIDAY – NOVEMBER 26, 2004

4:18p – 56° – I went to bed sometime after 2:00a last night and slept terrible. I got up this morning feeling crappy. I let Kira out, gave her pills to her, checked email and went back to bed for a while.

4:37p – 56° – Time for our evening jaunt to the store. It's so early, yet nearly dark out.

10:47p – 53° – We finally finished watching "White Chicks." It was a funny movie. I am glad I watched it.

SATURDAY – NOVEMBER 27, 2004

12:52a – 52° – I am off to bed. Ate leftovers for supper and they could have been much better.

10:01a – 48° – I woke up around 5:30a with stomach problems and heart burn. I ended up going back & forth to the bathroom about every 15 minutes, with a swig of the pink stuff every now and then. Around 8:00a I finally got up and let Kira out. I intended to go back out, but fell into the vortex of my email.

SUNDAY – NOVEMBER 28, 2004

Happy 44th Birthday to my sister Mable Darlene Norris In Minco, Oklahoma

1:26a – 38° – Saturday was a long, boring and depressing day. The weather was bleak, I did not feel very good, and my mental state is not that great. I have tried to keep myself busy and occupied, but this ordeal with my office is weighing on my heavily at every moment. I wake in the middle of the night and it is the first thing I think of. I am still so outraged and distraught. I never had a proper chance to explain my position, unless one counts Friday morning when, after taking my medication, not having breakfast, and having no forewarning of any of it, I was called to account for myself. They are really stomping on me in a very nasty way and its just *wrong*. I am glad I did not lose my job over this ridiculous situation, but I am not so sure that is not their ultimate goal.

1:31a – 38° – Anyway... it's late and I am off to bed.

1:521a – 38° – Trying that again... I had to fix a bite to eat before crashing. NOW I am going to bed.

8:23a – 35° – I just got up. I slept a little better last night, or at least more soundly My dreams, which are usually vivid, tiring even, are tending to be more depressing that normal. Last night I remember an entire segment about trains there were crashing and falling from bridges... bridges that were out. I was trying to warn them, but they could not hear me. I would interpret this as expressions of feeling "helpless in the face of disaster." It might have had something to do with watching "Engineering Disasters" on the History channel too.

8:28a – 35° – It's bright and sunny out, but the temperature is colder. Skip said something about wanting to go into St. Louis for a bite to eat. I will want to take my camera (of course), so I am happy to see some bright sunlight! Yesterday was depressing enough without the weather having to be dark and foreboding all day, drizzling rain, and just generally miserable.

11:52a – 43° – I have managed to be much more productive today. I did some mopping and have the rugs in the washer to be cleaned. I got my December journal page ready for posting. Kira got a brutal flea bath, which she direly needed. Now Skip and I are getting ready to go into St. Louis to "Jake's Steaks" for lunch.

Jake's turned out to be closed (not open until 4:00p), so we went over to Hannegan's. Skip had their London Broil and I had a Reuben and fries. It was a very pleasant outing, but I was ready for more.

I had my camera with me (of course) and decided to walk down by the river. Skip parted with me at that point and headed home. The sunshine had gone away and it was getting chilly. I was starting to wish I had worn something more than my light jacket. I took some pictures down by the river, the wandered over to the Arch grounds and took some more. I even went under the Arch into the museum and took a lot of shots. 5:28p – 43° – I got home a little after 5:00p. Started the rugs to washing (I meant to start them before I left the house), let Kira out, and now I am going to sit down and review my photography from the day. My back is killing me!

11:06p – 42° – I will be off to bed soon. I have not had supper yet though...

11:32p – 42° – Supper has been consumed... off to bed now.

MONDAY – NOVEMBER 29, 2004

7:57a – 41° – I am up early (or at least, earlier than I need to be). It's cold, rainy and gray out again. Very dismal. I had a lot of dreams, as usual, last night. Doug was in on segment. For some reason, I had rented an expensive place and he was staying over. We had separate bed, like hospital beds, with rails around them. He got in his and I told home that the side railing (on the side he had just climbed in; the left side) could be raised up the was it was on the right side. He said something like, "I think I'll do that," and started fiddling with the railing to set it up. It looked a bit complex. In another dream segment, I was driving my car again. I seemed to be in down town Orlando, around Colonial Drive and Mills (I think). Traffic was heavy and I was going to pull out of a small parking lot, when suddenly my car was lifted from behind. Some man, demonstrating his prowess, had lifted my car up, but he dropped it back in a couple of seconds. For some reason, I knew that he had lift it 34 inches. This number was relevant and played a part later in the dream, but I can't remember what.

8:08a – 41° – My last dream segment was work related, except that I worked at a restaurant. I was still on this ridiculous suspension, but for some reason I had to go in to work to cover anyway (like I would do that!). BS was the manager and I was trying to explain to her that I had come in to work only out of loyalty to my job because there was no one to cover. Though Lisa and her family (and I think Gary) were all sitting a t table eating. I have no idea where this dream was going, but it was another of those disturbing dreams.

9:23a – 41° – I was going to make some eggs & grits for breakfast, but there are no eggs! So crumbled up some hamburger meat in the boiling water, added a teaspoon of beef bouillon, some corn and then poured in the grits anyway. I am off to see if its palatable now .

9:46a – 41° – It was actually quite tasty! Not enough of it though. Now I am sleepy, but I need to get motivated to go in and see about getting my glasses, vokanta la Advokato, and picking up my December bus pass.

9:03p – 43° – I got home a little after 5:00p. I got a lot accomplished today! The weather was dismal, but I wore my beg yellow coat and mostly ignored it.

First I went to the BJC Eye Center and ordered a pair of glasses. This time I chose plastic lenses (for the price -- less money). I also got bifocals (more money), "no line" (more money), self tinting lenses (more money), and I still have to wait for 4 to 5 business days to receive them. The total cost was about $415.00 !! I was sick over it.

Then I walked over to Olin Hall/Becker Library where I was going to transfer funds over to cover this purchase, but the machine was "out of service."

Then I went to the Transportation Office to get my monthly pass. It was about 1:30p and they were closed until 2:00p. So, I walked (in the rain) over to the HR offices to see if I could speak to S.Slege and get more information about this ridiculous situation which I have been subjected to. She was "out to lunch" (again). I did pick up an EAP brochure, nevertheless.

Mi revenis al Olin Hall kaj sidis en la salono kie mi telefonvokis la EAP. Mi parolis kun "Kerry" kaj sxi diris min ke tuta la konsilistoj estis enkunvenigita; iu vokantus min (sxi certigxis min).

Then I went up to the cafeteria and got a slice of pizza (about all they had left) and sat down to read my book. Oh... I started the 3rd book, "Prentice Alvin," in the "Tales of Alvin Maker" series.

I read my book until about 2:30p and then went to pick up my pass. I did not have my ID with me, but THANKFULLY the girl remembers me, so I did not waste my time.

I left CWE and took the MetroLink to Union Station. Here I wandered about and took some photos. While doing so, mi recevis telefonvokon de "Joe" kun la EAP. Mi revokis lian telefonvokon, kaj arangxis ke li verkus kunvenon por min kun EAP konsilistojn en la urbcentra loco (sur la strato de Olive). Mi kredas ke mi povas trovi gxin.

I took a lot of photos at Union Station, and caught train out to 5th&Mo. To my joy and surprise, Erline was driving tonight! She was not "transferred" to another bus as I had believed, but had a mild stroke and was off-duty all this time!

10:07p – 43° – I got a lot done today, and took a lot of photos! Now I need to fix something for supper. The sliver of pizza has faded into oblivion!

10:55p – 43° – I fixed some leftover hamburger, turkey and rice for supper. It wasn't too bad! I am off to bed now.

11:10p – 43° – I had to check email... NOW I am off to bed.

TUESDAY – NOVEMBER 30, 2004

7:03a – 42° – I woke about 5:00a with the usual stomach issues. I tried to go back to sleep but, as usual, the problems with work kept me awake, so I turned on the TV and lay in bed watching the Hitory Channel. I was finally about to doze off again when, at 6:20a I had to run to the bathroom again, and then I was back to being wide awake. So I got up. I will check email and fix some breakfast. I bought eggs last night and will have the breakfast I was wanting yesterday. Then, maybe I will be sleepy again. It's STILL raining out there, so that might help.

I got up again about 11:00a after taking an unrestful nap of about 3 hours. I drifted in and out of a fitful sleep which was interspersed with disturbing dreams which including "evil spirits" and exploding house and living in some place I was unfamiliar with.

Nikki Everett November 3rd One of my closest and dearest friends. Orlando, FL Scott Robbins November 10th My brother's first wife's current husband and a member of jubchuQun. Blanchard, ID     Adam Sonstegard November 10th My very dear friend! Davis, CA         Linda Whiting November 11th Co-worker St. Louis, MO         Chuck Welsh November 24th One of my 2 closest friend in the entire world! St. Louis, MO     Pamela Devon Norris November 25, 1988 My belovéd Niece Minco, OK         Mabel Darlene (Lewis) Norris November 28, 1960 My dear Sister Minco, OK